Overrated

So for the past few days I’ve been thinking about some shit or another when I’ve been trying to sleep.
Worrying about everything, how I’m going to convince my mum I’m not a racist and how I’m going to explain why I’ve been the way I have the past year, how I’m going to put everything right when it feels like she doesn’t want to know.
I miss living in Cardigan, I’ve never been as happy in my life as I was when I lived there and I fucked it all when I moved to Axe, the worst part is that everything fucked up after 6 months.
I can’t help thinking I’m a horrible person, I’ve pushed so many people away it’s ridiculous and I know that one day I’ll have no one left and it’ll be all my fault.
I fucked things up big time with Paul. I don’t know how or why but I’m the one who made him fall out of love with me. I can’t say I didn’t try but love isn’t enough to keep anyone together. I feel like I’ve wasted the past 5 years being on and off with him and the worst part is that I know he’ll come running back and after all the shit he did, I know I probably won’t be strong enough to tell him to jog on.
I wish I’d done everything differently, I can’t help thinking that if I’d never moved out when I was 19, I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now and none of the shit I’ve been through the past few years would have happened.
If I could take back everything wrong that I’ve done and said to fuck myself and other people, believe me, I would but I can’t so I guess I’ll have to build a bridge and get the fuck over it, easier said than done though.

/depressedemofuckrantover

I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone as much as I hate you right now

People know how to ruin a good fucking weekend

So me and Paul have split up last week, I’ve been a bit of a mess, sleeping on the sofa and hardly leaving it in the day, barely eating, just not functioning.
Go to stay with my best friend for the weekend to forget about everything and to get my head together,starting to feel better,I’ve eaten more this weekend than I have in the past week, been feeling alright in myself.
Then my prick of an ex gets one of his friends to tell me he’s kicking me out today, I’m only allowed home to get my stuff, which isn’t even all packed yet. This is after he said a few days ago that as long as I give him money for rent (which comes through on the 17th) I can stay for longer until I can get somewhere sorted.
What the fuck? I have nowhere to stay tonight, no money to get anywhere, no phone to ring people because I have no credit.
All I wanted was for us to at least be civil through all this shit but it seems he can’t even do that.
5 years of my life I’ve wasted being in love with him, trying to make him happy and this is the thanks I get in return, finishes it over Facebook and then gets someone else to kick me out for him, can’t even do his own dirty work.
Word of advice guys, an ex is for a reason. Doesn’t matter how much you love them, don’t go back there. I did 4 or 5 times and got hurt every single time, this must be the worst though